CURSEDCLEVELAND.COM

HOUSTON – You might be wondering, wasn’t Mike Brown involved in a disaster where the Hornets, not the Rockets, play?  Beware Cavs fans, in the next few days, Ivy league sports and stats-geeks from around the country will be creating and frequenting the soon to be created “www.FireMikeBrown.com.”  In this new age of statistics taking over, Rocket’s GM Daryl Morey and others have incorporated using numbers to make basketball-personnel decisions.  Even the Great Dan Gilbert has employed one of these geeks, Dan Rosenbaum, to crunch numbers in order to do anything possible to make the Cavs as winning a franchise as humanly possible.  One only needs to look to LeBron’s possible future team to see teams utilizing stats in making coaching staff decisions, as the Brooklyn Nets just fired head coach Lawrence Frank after his win-loss stat in 2009 was 0-17.  Finally some new data has smacked us all right in the face!

Rosenbaum and others are fans of “adjusted plus-minus,” a version of the popular hockey stat that measures a team’s results on the scoreboard when a player is in the game or on the bench, adjusting for teammates and opponents.  While Johnny Hollanger cannot use his PER to analyze the performance and effect of the head coach, this tool gives us everything we need to know whether Mike Brown should remain as Cavalier Boss.

Wednesday night Brown was ejected with 2 minutes left in the 1st half.  His plus/minus was MINUS SIXTEEN in just TWENTY-TWO MINUTES!  The last portion of that damage was done when Coach Brown GIFTED the Rockets two points on the scoreboard after getting ejected arguing a no-call on a King floater.  Assistant Mike Malone (son of longtime basketball-mind Brendan) took over and “played” well in his 1st career game, posting a PLUS SIX in TWENTY-SIX MINUTES!!!  Sports and basketball savants everywhere opined after the game.  Jim Rome, Charles Barkley, Ashley Judd and Mike Trivisano all spoke to the effect of, “We were down 16 to the Rockets in the 1st half???  I can’t tell you one player on their team, but didn’t the Cavs improve on a 66-win team this year?”

Now those critics of the new statistical evolution might argue “Well coach got his team motivated to play better by releasing that temper and lighting that comeback fire.”  No no, under Coach Brown, LeBron was jacking 19 ft 2-pointers and 29 ft 3bombs.  Under Coach Malone, it was many more layups and bunnies from the painted area and a 3 pointer from 24 ft when the game was still in question.  Coaching and leadership can be seen in shot selection on offense and effort on defense and rebounding, not simply calling an official’s mother a whore.

One thing is for sure, with the Cavs having Rosenbaum on the payroll as a consultant, Mike Brown may want to utilize the strategy of Brett Favre, Cal Ripken Jr. and Peyton Manning.  Do not EVER let your replacement see the floor!  This Cavs fan predicts no more Mike Brown ejections, sick or personal leave games this season.  The imposing shadow of Mike Malone looms large.  Its kinda like how Steve Young had to wait for Joe Montana to leave, except that Mike Brown is without those pesky multiple championship rings.  Hey noone remembers who coached the Lakers and Bulls before Phil Jackson arrived right(ok it was Kurt Rambis and Doug Collins).  GO CAVS (shoot me now).

As the culinary world continues to brace itself for the much talked about Summer of 2010 free agency period, the prospect of Cleveland retaining it’s most talented resident might have taken a turn for the worcestershire sauce. Bon Appetit Magazine reported on Wednesday that Cooking phenom Michael Symon will explore other opportunities this summer, forecasting a doomsday scenario for Cleveland, which could lose its brightest and most recognizable star to a bigger market.

Symon, recognized as 2007′s  “Next Iron Chef,” had refused to answer any questions recently about his future  But with so many popular New York-based restaurants pursuing the accomplished Greek chef, Symon is leaving his options open.

“I love Cleveland and I want to be successful here,” Symon said.  “But like many athletes always say, feeding my family is what comes first.  And quite frankly they’re sick of all the food here.”

Local Cleveland leadership has already rolled out campaign to keep the renowned chef and restaurateur in town.  Local artists have already painted over the LeBron Mural on the side of an office building across from Quicken Loans Arena with the phrase “We are all hungry.” There’s also a viral marketing campaign in place online dubbed, “Symon Says Stay.”

Adam Richman, host of the popular “Man V. Food” television program, says Symon would be a fool to leave his home town of Cleveland.

“There’s no telling how Symon would respond to to all the New York critics and their epicurean tastes.” Richman said. “He’s got it made in Cleveland. Those people actually think a panini sandwich consists of bread, meat and french fries.  Excuse me while I actually go throw up for the first time ever.”

The Glenville Tarblooders are hoping to make history this weekend as they attempt to secure the city’s first ever public school football state championship.  They are led by Ted Ginn Sr, who’s been involved with the program since the 70′s – the last Glenville grad from that era not to move East of I-271. There’s nobody more Glenville than Ted Ginn Sr. He’s arguably the school’s most distinguished alumnus. (Bone Thugs & Harmony were considered, but even if you add Flesh & Bone to the original four, cumulative classroom hours are not enough to equate to even one full diploma). Anyway,  if anyone is the authority on the ‘ville, it’s TG1.

So when he appeared on “The Really Big Show” on Monday, it was a relief to finally have someone clear up the age-old question about  school’s nickname/mascot.

Aaron Goldhammer (AG): “What is a Tarblooder?”

TGS: “It’s a robot”

AG: “A robot?”

TGS: “Yes, It’s a robot that, that worked on the railroad, and they build railroads, you know, and they, Tarblooder came cause they worked by hand to build the railroads, charred black, and bloods from your hands, so that’s the tarblooders, so that’s what they go by”

AG: “And they were building railroads in Glenville at one time?

TGS: “That’s what I’ve heard, from Glennville to Collinwood or something like that.”

And here I always thought it was the influx of automobiles and the advent of dirigibles that led to the demise of railroads. But apparently it was the costly nature of advanced robotics way back at the turn of the century. (In the spirit of full disclosure, my grandfather on my mother’s side worked on railroads, and had many health issues related to the exposure to asbestos, if only he had known to make way for the robots. Unless of course, my grandfather was a robot).

But upon further review, it appears Ten Ginn Sr. needs to stick to ransacking other local football programs in the Cleveland public school district for talent, and leave the world of mascot etymology to the real experts.

According to Glenville’s website:

“The Glenville High School mascot received its named from the men working in the railroads in the 1900′s. These men drove and tarred stakes into the railroad tracks ground to secure them to the ground. The hot tar would splatter onto their arms and face causing them to bleed as if they were sweating blood. Many of these men lived in the Glenville community, when the school was originally erected in 1919 on Everton and Parkwood avenues, the men became a symbol. The Mighty Tarblooder.”

We do wish Ginn and his Tarblooders the best this weekend in the D-1 title game.  We also wish him the best with his new academy designed to help at risk urban youths.  Fortunately he gets to name this one after himself.  Though he hasn’t declared a nickname yet, we’re sure it’ll be some post-apocalyptic cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller, or, as others would call it, a “Warrior.”

To the shock and dismay of many legitimate Cleveland-based sports blogs that work much harder than us (but are nowhere near as witty or humorous), CursedCleveland.com was formally recognized by the World Wider Leader in Sports as the site of the day on the extremely influential sports and entertainment program SportsNation.  That’s no small feat for a blog that openly detests Mike and Mike in the Morning, that’s ripped on Mike Tirico more than Art Modell, and that’s referenced the tragic drowning death of Tom Mees. What’s a site gonna have to do to finally get ignored so we can move on with our lives (we’ll pose that question to irrelevant name-stealing blog CurseofCleveland).

Cleveland Browns Head Coach Eric Mangini has decided  he’s not yet ready to reveal whether or not top offensive weapon and special teams All-Pro Josh Cribbs will ever walk again, he said in a conference call on Monday.  Mangini’s refusal to part with key personnel information has been consistent; he did not announce Brady Quinn as the opening day quarterback until an hour before their game against the Vikings.

The Browns coach is off to a disappointing 1-8 start in his first year. He says his team’s poor play made it an easy decision to keep Cribbs’ status a mystery.

“With only six days to prepare for a good Detroit Lions football team, it only makes sense to keep them guessing about the amount of packages we’ll be using with Josh in mind,” Mangini said.  “He may play anywhere from 12 to 25 snaps, or he may be undergoing spinal cord treatment on his cervical vertebrae that will likely result in him losing all mobility for the rest of his life. We just have to keep the Lions on their heels at this point and make them gameplan for all possible options.”

Cribbs was injured on the last play of Monday night’s 16-o loss to the Ravens. He was carted off the field after receiving a vicious blow by Ravens defensive end Dwan Edwards during a hook and ladder play that concluded as time expired.

In talking about the Lions, Mangini ironically brought up one of Detroit’s past tragedies in driving home his point that divulging such injury information can give opposing teams a competitive advantage.

“When Mike Utley’s career ended in 1991 after suffering paralysis, Wayne Fontes continued to list him on the depth chart,” Mangini said, “They finished 12-4 and made the playoffs.  Utley never walked again, but they made the most of the situation.”

Before ending the conference call, Mangini joked that Cribbs’ injury gave the organization “all the leverage” in renegotiating his contract.  He also took aim at those criticizing his use of Cribbs on a meaningless down to end the game, “I’ve learned from past mistakes.  If I’m going to put a player in harm’s way, at least it won’t be on the practice fields of Berea.”

LeBron James’ refusal to talk about the Summer of 2010, has ironically brought back the horrors of last year’s Summer.  No, not the playoff disappointment, the overblown handshake controversy or the underblown racial obscenity-laced radio promo. Instead, he’s decided to revisit the dunk heard ’round Nike’s cutting room floors: the Xavier kid’s posterization that led to Nike staffers confiscating two tapes that dared to challenge LeBron’s royaltyhood.  Other tapes eventually surfaced, as many began questioning why LeBron or his minions cared, and why the underwhelming throw-down ever warranted so much attention in the first place.

Following the Cavaliers win over Utah on Saturday night, LeBron touched on the incident publicly for the first time while attempting to explain why John Starks’ dunk on MJ wasn’t in his all time top ten.

“No, it wasn’t because it was a dunk-by not a dunk-on. Starks didn’t dunk on Michael, he dunked by him. Go watch the tape again. Starks comes off the pick and drives baseline and Michael and Horace Grant come to help and he dunks by them. I mean that happens every night in the league. It was a great dunk but it wasn’t the best all-time. I mean, that is what happened to me with that kid over the summer, he dunked by me and you all made a big deal about it.”

Prepositional usage has always been a tenuous subject within the grammatical community. Does one wait in line or on line?  Try accidentally telling your parents that you’re heading out with Delonte West to attend a drive by, instead of a drive in.  Prepositions matter! Sure they’re lousy for starting or ending sentences , but they’re great when attempting to modify or complement nouns, verbs and adverbs.

Which brings us back to LeBron’s lexicon. He’s been a trendsetter in the past, so why would he, gulp, be any different in the language department?  Here’s hoping double negatives aren’t the new split infinitive.  So if MJ was getting dunked by,  what do we say about Wade’s dunk on Varejao? Was he dunked over?  Was Carter’s dunking through Weiss? When Eric Snow dunked on…OK well scratch that.  But you get the idea.  Either way, I think we’re all better off moving on from this.  Unless you want to be the one to tell the King his parsing of words makes him look on denial?

SOUTH BEACH – A funny thing happened on the way to becoming the 3rd best team in the east, the Cavs finally found a way to make the Orlando Magic look crappy.  Allllllllllrght, last year the Lakers did too, and already this season the Pistons and Thunder have as well.  Hell OKC beat the defending conference champs by 30.  So if anything can be taken from last night, its that the season is still very young, the original refs do truly suck at their jobs they get paid more than all of us to do, maybe Shaq can act as Dwight’s kryptonite, and the Cavs can be frighteningly good on offense when Mo Williams makes 100% of shots (go figure).

On to tonight, a loss in Miami makes winning in the other Florida city rather worthless.  Tonight is largely advertised as BronBron vs. DWade, but its really one superstar with an above average supporting cast vs. another superstar with a combination of old smelly garbage and low ceiling youngsters around him.  The Heat have been truly hot right out of the gate and are 6-1, only losing to the equally on fire Suns.  This begs the question if you name your team something regarding a warm temperature do you get hot from the field and create winning streaks?  Jermaine O’Neal has been drinking from the fountain of youth and would answer yes.  Don’t be fooled by O’Neal and Haslems’ starts, Miami’s success will be more dependent on the performances of Chalmers and B-EZ.

As for our Cavvies, I am not sure what is more important, finally looking superior to the Magic in Orlando (last night was the 1st time since Larry Hughes getting off), or this…

“I think I owe it to myself, and I owe it to my teammates,” he said. “It’s just getting old. I’m focusing on this season, and this is going to be a really good season for us. I don’t want any more distractions for my teammates, for my organization, for my family. This will be the last time I answer a free agent question for the rest of the year.”

This was a huge sign of maturity for our sports savior, the attention-loving LeBron James, to drop before last night’s game.  All the New York convo is apparently making the Fab Five and associates as annoyed as us fans.  If the Cavs come out and play as hard as they did the full game last night, tonight should not be a problem.  I’ll go with the C-L-E by a count of 93-81.  GO CAVS!