CURSEDCLEVELAND.COM

NEW YORK -  Already stocked with proven mediocre coaches, the fledgling United Football League is adding some old blood into its broadcasting booth, as it finally released its announcing teams for the debut season.  Former “Sportscenter” anchors Larry Biel and Jack Edwards highlight a roster of talent that would have captivated a mid-1990’s audience like no other group.

“We’re not trying to reinvent the wheel when it comes to our announcers,” said UFL Commissioner Michael Huyghue.”Actually, you could argue the first wheel hadn’t even been invented yet the last time these guys were household names”

In assembling its roster of broadcasters, the UFL grabbed guys that were further off the radar than US Airways Flight 1549 . Following a similar formula, the league announced its head coaches for the four new franchises; plucking Dennis Green, Ted Cottrell, Jim Haslett, and Jim Fassel out of  various unemployment lines.

Larry Beil, an ESPN employee from 1996-98, thinks such inside the box thinking is what will separate the UFL from its successful predecessors.

“We were able to hire the guy that invented the 3-4 defense [Ted Cottrell], those guys don’t grow on trees.” Beil siad. “So what if the players were wearing leather helmets when his scheme was first conceived?”

Joining Biel in the booth is former ESPN anchors Jack Edwards, Gary Miller, and Brett Haber.

“We didn’t want our announcers to overshadow the product,” said Huyghue.  “Bringing in guys that haven’t been heard from since ESPN2 was called “the Deuce” is precisely what we were looking for.

In a press release last week, the league disclosed that its lead referees would be Jerry Markbreit, Dick Hantak and Red Cashion.

Newly “crowned” San Francisco coach Dennis Green thought the announcing crew choices were fairly predictable.

“They are who we thought they were,” Green joked.  “Washed up has beens with tired clichés.  Someone should tell Biel that Aloha did mean goodbye… to his career!”